Is your love big enough?
It seems like the stars have aligned for me to finally write this
post on evolution. Well sort of. I have had this post in my drafts for
more than a week now because I could not find the impetus or a
motivating story to help springboard some of the ideas I have in this
post. Today, however, I feel overwhelmingly loved and appreciated,
beyond measure, by the people in my life, and even to an extent, the
cosmos. And thus, this post on love makes perfect sense.
Today, July 13th, falls on the day of my birth, Friday. Friday the 13th on the 7th month of the year! If you believe in astrology, superstition and/or Judaism/Christianity - my birth day is perfect yet unlucky. And I can deal with that. Today is the first time in a long while I have stayed at home for the entirety of my birthday - sans celebration - and it is possibly the last time in a long while this may happen. With all of the time that I have had to reflect at home, I have been asking myself whether my love is big enough? "Big enough for what is to come."
In the midst of everything this past month and a half - living at home with my parents, not yet working, meeting new people, going to concerts, and especially falling in love with Brooklyn - I have fondled many times over the idea of whether I am growing, in a sense, maturing, what some would call evolving, or better yet, getting closer to the person I was meant to be. And what will be the measure of that? Will it be getting a more realist perspective on what I want this world to be? Being more conscientious and less cynical of what is being done now? Getting in tune with my religion/spirituality? Self-love? Loving others? Simply, is my love big enough?
And then I think back to my past reflections around this time of year, each year - my poems on facebook, emails I often send to people, et cetera. And I remember with poignant clarity a poem I wrote two years ago called A journey to Self Love - The beauty within, which dealt with my evolving perspective on my identity and my insecurities during that awkward college self discovery period. The poem itself is quite amateur so do not bother to read it but it has great symbolic meaning for the beginning of my true journey to loving myself, life, and everyone else, or at least trying to. And there is one line in the poem which has since resonated with me around this time every year: "The progress I make is cyclical". Self-internal progress (or saying my views have evolved as our President iconically stated earlier this year) is important but it connotes a linearly of growth experience which I am not sure I believe in. To say it simply, I find that I make some steps forward in certain respects and certainly some side ways, every day and every year...never a straight progression towards being a "good" person. There are certainly some back tracks and I have even rescinded on insights I marveled in as being truly life changing or progressive at some points in my life. As I grow older, I am becoming in tune and in love with cyclicality and not linearity. I just want my love to be big enough for the moment and the experience which I may find myself in - whatever that means.
So in this moment of clarity which a new life year and reflection brings, I really want these three quotes I have come across recently to guide my decisions and thoughts, at least in this upcoming year:
"Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behavior does."
"Do not mistake hustling others for work ethic."
"Sometimes the wrong choices brings us to the right places."
And then to always ask myself if my love is big enough...
That is all. Short and sweet. I am not necessarily turning over a new leaf on life. Just asking to constantly return to my perspectives on the old things. I am truly grateful for my absolutely amazing family, friends and acquaintances who continue to support and guide me through this journey. I am truly indebted to all of your love.
Check out Lianne Las Havas's song Is your love big enough...It says as much about my current state of mind as my own writing does.
Today, July 13th, falls on the day of my birth, Friday. Friday the 13th on the 7th month of the year! If you believe in astrology, superstition and/or Judaism/Christianity - my birth day is perfect yet unlucky. And I can deal with that. Today is the first time in a long while I have stayed at home for the entirety of my birthday - sans celebration - and it is possibly the last time in a long while this may happen. With all of the time that I have had to reflect at home, I have been asking myself whether my love is big enough? "Big enough for what is to come."
In the midst of everything this past month and a half - living at home with my parents, not yet working, meeting new people, going to concerts, and especially falling in love with Brooklyn - I have fondled many times over the idea of whether I am growing, in a sense, maturing, what some would call evolving, or better yet, getting closer to the person I was meant to be. And what will be the measure of that? Will it be getting a more realist perspective on what I want this world to be? Being more conscientious and less cynical of what is being done now? Getting in tune with my religion/spirituality? Self-love? Loving others? Simply, is my love big enough?
And then I think back to my past reflections around this time of year, each year - my poems on facebook, emails I often send to people, et cetera. And I remember with poignant clarity a poem I wrote two years ago called A journey to Self Love - The beauty within, which dealt with my evolving perspective on my identity and my insecurities during that awkward college self discovery period. The poem itself is quite amateur so do not bother to read it but it has great symbolic meaning for the beginning of my true journey to loving myself, life, and everyone else, or at least trying to. And there is one line in the poem which has since resonated with me around this time every year: "The progress I make is cyclical". Self-internal progress (or saying my views have evolved as our President iconically stated earlier this year) is important but it connotes a linearly of growth experience which I am not sure I believe in. To say it simply, I find that I make some steps forward in certain respects and certainly some side ways, every day and every year...never a straight progression towards being a "good" person. There are certainly some back tracks and I have even rescinded on insights I marveled in as being truly life changing or progressive at some points in my life. As I grow older, I am becoming in tune and in love with cyclicality and not linearity. I just want my love to be big enough for the moment and the experience which I may find myself in - whatever that means.
So in this moment of clarity which a new life year and reflection brings, I really want these three quotes I have come across recently to guide my decisions and thoughts, at least in this upcoming year:
"Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behavior does."
"Do not mistake hustling others for work ethic."
"Sometimes the wrong choices brings us to the right places."
And then to always ask myself if my love is big enough...
That is all. Short and sweet. I am not necessarily turning over a new leaf on life. Just asking to constantly return to my perspectives on the old things. I am truly grateful for my absolutely amazing family, friends and acquaintances who continue to support and guide me through this journey. I am truly indebted to all of your love.
Check out Lianne Las Havas's song Is your love big enough...It says as much about my current state of mind as my own writing does.
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