Fall Cleansing: Be at Peace, Not in Pieces
For me, the start of the fall naturally lends itself to a lot of Drake-esque music, reading, reflection, and planning. With post-grad life and in light of my state of mind this past summer, this year's planning has taken the form of introspective questioning: what am I doing next and how I am going to get to where I need/want to be? One of the most salient words of wisdom I have been thinking about for some time which also relates to the questions I have been reflecting on is the idea of living on purpose.
The idea of living on purpose came to me by way of Oprah. I have been watching a lot of Oprah's Life Classes and Next Chapter Shows, reading about other people's spiritual journey, listening to people's stories through their music, and reflecting on what older folks have said about life through collections on blogs. In one form or another, what ties together the narratives of all these very different people is the importance they place on being fearlessly true to oneself, especially one's core/one's soul in order to be successful and have long lasting happiness. So far I have only been able to truly dedicate myself to living on purpose in the area of work so I am going to share what I have been able to draw from that journey.
Let me share this story of where I came from and why this life philosophy has resonated so deeply with me at this time in my life:
I had it all planned by my junior year in college: I would go to law school, become an international human rights worker, work at the International Criminal Court, and then adopt my first child by the age 25. Some time during my first year in college when I would come home and argue with my father about almost everything because I was armed with the ideas and theories by prominent thinkers such as Frantz Fanon and Lisa Delpit, my dad donned me with the name "save the world". I was going to prove to him that there was a way to help Africa reach its highest economic/political/moral eclipse without going into investment banking and being the president of the World Bank <--- and this became my intellectual quest and engagement for the next three years of my college career.
I keep hearing that if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
I would add tell Him plans which are not in accordance with the gift and essence he has endowed you with. For me, luckily, it all came crushing down my final semester in college (and not later when I was already in law school or had adopted my teenage son). I realized that I couldn't and wouldn't be saving anything and anyone. I didn't like the environment most lawyers work in and I was also not going to be adopting by 25. By the end of my college career, I was disillusioned and lonely. It wasn't loneliness in the sense of not having people or things around me. I "simply" longed for true hope and vision.
So I decided to chill after graduation - go out, work on my comedy, try different hair styles, cook, reflect, write, meet new people, listen to lots of music - simply live on impulse. I remained still and did nothing about the issues that seemed so pressing and dire before. The world did not end. Other people did what I wanted to be done. And I worked on myself.
The most important realization for me was that even in my disillusionment, my commitment to the issues that mattered to me did not wane. My interest itself was not the problem, the way I approached it was. I had to ask myself hard and honest questions: why do I want to work in post conflict societies; am I doing it for the accolades; why am I giving up my potential job security, why am I giving up the prospect of being wealthy, why am I going to go to school for another five years of my life; what about my life and my safety? Why can't I just join the natural progression of post college life - good jobs, financial security, family, and the like. Because truth be told, broke is a bad joke, working is hard, and we are all trying to get ours for ourselves and our family.
In my attempts to answer these questions, I continuously ran across the philosophy of living on purpose, whether it was on Oprah or else where. It makes sense and here is why:
First, living on purpose has meant, for me, "...not asking myself what the world needs but what makes me alive" - Howard Thurman; understanding that doing good will not save anyone or anything - people save themselves and things change with the course of time and force, whether for good or bad. Truthfully, I just feel the most fulfilled, the most passionate, motivated, optimistic, compassionate, and human when I discuss political theory, literature, music, and development in Africa and in world affairs. I get high off of these engagements. I also just love school. These inclinations come from my family and our natural inclination towards politics and debates; my schooling and the amazing teacher I had from middle school through college; and what appears to be acquired and innate tastes. Thus, while my interests have not changed, my motivation is clearer. I have now consciously reconciled what was previously an intellectual quest to the essence of my being. Realizing that my career choice is to keep me alive deeply humbles me. For instance, it makes the daily work I do of keeping informed on peacebuilding work in formerly war torn countries less spiritually draining and "lonely" because things are in perspective. It is simultaneously for me and beyond me.
Second, living on purpose takes work. The privilege to live on purpose (not to politicize it but it is a privilege) takes a commitment to mental discipline and hard work every day which I have not amassed yet but which I am working on. One issue I've thought about in relation to living on purpose is delayed gratification - the choice between living for now versus sacrificing some/all of the merrymaking of today for fulfilling something greater tomorrow. Put in hip hop terms, the difference between having a motto of Drake's YOLO and Lupe's Till I Get There (to be clear, I speak here of YOLO not in the sense of engaging in irresponsible behavior but in the idea of seizing today). I am not 100% confident on this opinion (~ 85%) but while actively working on living on purpose (and not merely thinking or writing about doing so), I have realized that there is not a deep divide between living in the moment and delaying gratification. Because I am living on purpose, every moment is my purpose. Nothing is really a sacrifice in the way we have been taught to imagine it. I am YOLO-ing Till I Get There. Working is hard but it is not a sacrifice. Going out when I want to is fun and relaxing and it is not lazy. Everything happens for a reason and there is a natural balance and sync to things which I believe the universe has in place. As the touching narrative on Clutch elucidates, Your Blues Is Like Mine - Things Fall Apart, it is always the best and worst of times. My happiness today is as important as my happiness tomorrow.
Third, fear. I can not recount how many times in these last five months since graduating college I have not taken an amazing opportunity because of being my fear that it might actually be just what I need to get me where I want to be. A lot of people say this and it seems true: the prospect of succeeding is (un)surprisingly more frightening than that of failing. From what I am learning, living on purpose requires that we defy the fear that often cripples us and keeps us from the success that we have been destined to live. Living on purpose also helps to dismantle this fear because it proposes that you believe that 1. the work you are doing is your true contribution to this world regardless of the outcome 2. your work is extremely important but it is simultaneously beyond you. Thus, talking "risks" became less intimidating. You are reaffirmed to Live Out Loud.
Fourth, living on purpose is more of a spiritual journey for myself and those who have inspired me on this journey than anything else. It is not religious - although the two intersect in many ways. I am in no way righteous because of this realization. In fact, I do not get to showcase how sinful, silly, "irrational", emotional, andoverly analytical I am through blogging. I make a lot of mistakes - at times out of curiosity but often because I do not know better. Living on purpose, for me, affirms my long time belief to not be too critical about myself because of my past: I learn to call each thing by its right name (a bad decision as a bad decision), give everything it's appropriate weight (my bad decision probably won't end the world), forgiveness (for myself and others), and then learning from that experience and moving forward. I am very young and I know that the hardest of the tribulations that occur in life are yet to come. But it's a journey and I am building my inner strength now, not later.
Fifth and last, voice. My favorite people historically and presently are exceptionally honest and vulnerable people. I believe that while honesty and openness amplifies ones success and gives meaning to ones life, it is also really hard. Blogging is extremely revealing but I have been built on other peoples stories and vulnerabilities so welcome to mine. I plan on delving deeper into self reflection, alternative perspectives on world affairs, and being consistent in using my blog as a platform to share this journey. The people who act on living on purpose are incredibly open and use their voice a lot - but not out of righteous indignation. Rather, there is enough greatness to go around and the true joy is to reaffirm other people's purpose, essence, and voice.
As Audre Lorde powerfully explains on voice,
"Once you start to speak, people will yell at you. They will interrupt you, put you down and suggest it’s personal. And the world won’t end. And the speaking will get easier and easier. And you will find you have fallen in love with your own vision, which you may never have realized you had. And you will lose some friends and lovers, and realize you don’t miss them. And new ones will find you and cherish you. And you will still flirt and paint your nails, dress up and party, because, as I think Emma Goldman said, “If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution.” And at last you’ll know with surpassing certainty that only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking."
It is wonderfully liberating.
The idea of living on purpose came to me by way of Oprah. I have been watching a lot of Oprah's Life Classes and Next Chapter Shows, reading about other people's spiritual journey, listening to people's stories through their music, and reflecting on what older folks have said about life through collections on blogs. In one form or another, what ties together the narratives of all these very different people is the importance they place on being fearlessly true to oneself, especially one's core/one's soul in order to be successful and have long lasting happiness. So far I have only been able to truly dedicate myself to living on purpose in the area of work so I am going to share what I have been able to draw from that journey.
Let me share this story of where I came from and why this life philosophy has resonated so deeply with me at this time in my life:
I had it all planned by my junior year in college: I would go to law school, become an international human rights worker, work at the International Criminal Court, and then adopt my first child by the age 25. Some time during my first year in college when I would come home and argue with my father about almost everything because I was armed with the ideas and theories by prominent thinkers such as Frantz Fanon and Lisa Delpit, my dad donned me with the name "save the world". I was going to prove to him that there was a way to help Africa reach its highest economic/political/moral eclipse without going into investment banking and being the president of the World Bank <--- and this became my intellectual quest and engagement for the next three years of my college career.
I keep hearing that if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
I would add tell Him plans which are not in accordance with the gift and essence he has endowed you with. For me, luckily, it all came crushing down my final semester in college (and not later when I was already in law school or had adopted my teenage son). I realized that I couldn't and wouldn't be saving anything and anyone. I didn't like the environment most lawyers work in and I was also not going to be adopting by 25. By the end of my college career, I was disillusioned and lonely. It wasn't loneliness in the sense of not having people or things around me. I "simply" longed for true hope and vision.
So I decided to chill after graduation - go out, work on my comedy, try different hair styles, cook, reflect, write, meet new people, listen to lots of music - simply live on impulse. I remained still and did nothing about the issues that seemed so pressing and dire before. The world did not end. Other people did what I wanted to be done. And I worked on myself.
The most important realization for me was that even in my disillusionment, my commitment to the issues that mattered to me did not wane. My interest itself was not the problem, the way I approached it was. I had to ask myself hard and honest questions: why do I want to work in post conflict societies; am I doing it for the accolades; why am I giving up my potential job security, why am I giving up the prospect of being wealthy, why am I going to go to school for another five years of my life; what about my life and my safety? Why can't I just join the natural progression of post college life - good jobs, financial security, family, and the like. Because truth be told, broke is a bad joke, working is hard, and we are all trying to get ours for ourselves and our family.
In my attempts to answer these questions, I continuously ran across the philosophy of living on purpose, whether it was on Oprah or else where. It makes sense and here is why:
First, living on purpose has meant, for me, "...not asking myself what the world needs but what makes me alive" - Howard Thurman; understanding that doing good will not save anyone or anything - people save themselves and things change with the course of time and force, whether for good or bad. Truthfully, I just feel the most fulfilled, the most passionate, motivated, optimistic, compassionate, and human when I discuss political theory, literature, music, and development in Africa and in world affairs. I get high off of these engagements. I also just love school. These inclinations come from my family and our natural inclination towards politics and debates; my schooling and the amazing teacher I had from middle school through college; and what appears to be acquired and innate tastes. Thus, while my interests have not changed, my motivation is clearer. I have now consciously reconciled what was previously an intellectual quest to the essence of my being. Realizing that my career choice is to keep me alive deeply humbles me. For instance, it makes the daily work I do of keeping informed on peacebuilding work in formerly war torn countries less spiritually draining and "lonely" because things are in perspective. It is simultaneously for me and beyond me.
Second, living on purpose takes work. The privilege to live on purpose (not to politicize it but it is a privilege) takes a commitment to mental discipline and hard work every day which I have not amassed yet but which I am working on. One issue I've thought about in relation to living on purpose is delayed gratification - the choice between living for now versus sacrificing some/all of the merrymaking of today for fulfilling something greater tomorrow. Put in hip hop terms, the difference between having a motto of Drake's YOLO and Lupe's Till I Get There (to be clear, I speak here of YOLO not in the sense of engaging in irresponsible behavior but in the idea of seizing today). I am not 100% confident on this opinion (~ 85%) but while actively working on living on purpose (and not merely thinking or writing about doing so), I have realized that there is not a deep divide between living in the moment and delaying gratification. Because I am living on purpose, every moment is my purpose. Nothing is really a sacrifice in the way we have been taught to imagine it. I am YOLO-ing Till I Get There. Working is hard but it is not a sacrifice. Going out when I want to is fun and relaxing and it is not lazy. Everything happens for a reason and there is a natural balance and sync to things which I believe the universe has in place. As the touching narrative on Clutch elucidates, Your Blues Is Like Mine - Things Fall Apart, it is always the best and worst of times. My happiness today is as important as my happiness tomorrow.
Third, fear. I can not recount how many times in these last five months since graduating college I have not taken an amazing opportunity because of being my fear that it might actually be just what I need to get me where I want to be. A lot of people say this and it seems true: the prospect of succeeding is (un)surprisingly more frightening than that of failing. From what I am learning, living on purpose requires that we defy the fear that often cripples us and keeps us from the success that we have been destined to live. Living on purpose also helps to dismantle this fear because it proposes that you believe that 1. the work you are doing is your true contribution to this world regardless of the outcome 2. your work is extremely important but it is simultaneously beyond you. Thus, talking "risks" became less intimidating. You are reaffirmed to Live Out Loud.
Fourth, living on purpose is more of a spiritual journey for myself and those who have inspired me on this journey than anything else. It is not religious - although the two intersect in many ways. I am in no way righteous because of this realization. In fact, I do not get to showcase how sinful, silly, "irrational", emotional, and
Fifth and last, voice. My favorite people historically and presently are exceptionally honest and vulnerable people. I believe that while honesty and openness amplifies ones success and gives meaning to ones life, it is also really hard. Blogging is extremely revealing but I have been built on other peoples stories and vulnerabilities so welcome to mine. I plan on delving deeper into self reflection, alternative perspectives on world affairs, and being consistent in using my blog as a platform to share this journey. The people who act on living on purpose are incredibly open and use their voice a lot - but not out of righteous indignation. Rather, there is enough greatness to go around and the true joy is to reaffirm other people's purpose, essence, and voice.
As Audre Lorde powerfully explains on voice,
"Once you start to speak, people will yell at you. They will interrupt you, put you down and suggest it’s personal. And the world won’t end. And the speaking will get easier and easier. And you will find you have fallen in love with your own vision, which you may never have realized you had. And you will lose some friends and lovers, and realize you don’t miss them. And new ones will find you and cherish you. And you will still flirt and paint your nails, dress up and party, because, as I think Emma Goldman said, “If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution.” And at last you’ll know with surpassing certainty that only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking."
It is wonderfully liberating.
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