Letters from the Young #4

"I am getting a couple of people to write letters to their older selves. I recently read Gabrielle Union's letter to her younger self in Essence and thought that there might be value in writing something to our older selves. While we learn a lot with age, some things get lost as well - ie. spontaneity, love, empathy, persistence, etc (from what I've seen... :)). So perhaps you can add your writing to this - something you cherish now that you don't want to lose sight of as you get older or something you had/knew when you were younger and want to incorporate back into your life."

Letter to my older self  
May this song reach your heart

May your ears love the sweet melody

Every note, every chord

I've arranged them for you and for me

At the time of your reading this, I hope that you are many things – successful* with work, family, love, spirituality. I’ve learned not to plan too intently on the future because those plans are never mine alone. At the very least, I hope you’ve followed the most exciting of life’s paths and that you feel challenged and motivated by your place on that path. 22 years of life have left me with more questions and ambitions than answers, but each year has been accompanied by new and intense learning about myself and the world. The more I grow, the more the things I want out of life become deeper and truer. May your life never stray far from your values.

For now, I'll pretend

I'm holding your hand

Home. Safety. Family. Literally the place from where you come. Nothing in life is as consistent as family. You have not always been as kind and forgiving as you should be to your family. If you don’t see family at least once a week, and speak to your mother and father at least once every couple of days, you are in the wrong. You can never pay too much homage to the people that sheltered you as you grew into the woman you are. Friendship. Risk. Humor. Curiosity. Understanding that you don’t know everything can be so freeing. As an adult woman, there are certain things you know and trust, but never stop respecting the knowledge others can offer you – your elders, siblings, friends, co-workers, youth, ancestors, they are all speaking to you. Being a good listener is a skill you can always practice. Vulnerability. Respect. Bravery. Confidence. If you are lucky, the butterflies that live in your soul are eternal. You are (secretly) nervous and outwardly self-critical, but deep down you know that being content with yourself and always holding yourself to a higher standard do not have to be contradictory. You will go far because you are excellent, but you must always strive to be better.

May the sound of my voice

Be your guide, bring you closer to me

Humility. Modesty. Trust. Faith is for you, ironically, a complex uncertainty. What was once comfort in Islam, in having a manual for what to believe and do with life, is now an inner tension between a desire to understand a mosaic of options for justice and spirituality, to experience full womanhood unrestricted by gender expectations and boundaries, and to be humbled by the power and mercy of Allah despite a sometimes cruel and bizarre humanity. I do not know where you are in faith as you read this, but I offer a dua for your past and present –

O Allah, I seek through you a deeper and more resolute love of Islam; I seek to use my critical self as a platform for nuanced faith; I seek the bold questions that comprise spiritual searching and maturity. Ultimately, I seek closeness to you. I seek peace for my heart. Ameen.

Let us bathe in the noise

Let the love in your heart speak to me

Love. Your place in this world to which you did ask to come but from which you can only voluntarily leave with great pain. Love. Whatever you create with your hands and energy. Love. The place you call home. Love. Your art. Love. Your imperfections. Love. Your journey. Love. Your potential. Love. Your partner. Me. Love. You. Always

May this song journey on to you

Akilah

Lyrical inspiration from Janelle Monae's "Neon Valley Street"