THAT Guy

 

I excitedly shared the video above with some friends a few days ago because it rang reminiscent of my first story, A friend for the end of the world. In sum, the video is the second episode in a series about relationships and women and its unique twist is that the footage is taken from the video-recorder of one guy, THAT Guy.

My first reaction to the episode was that not only was it a good story but it very much reflected the narratives I hear and see everyday. As I wrote to my friend, I saw many parallels between the beginning of my story and this episode (although the intent of my story was to explore the circumstantial/trifling way people meet and the dark yet beautiful way they end up being perfect for each other); that is, being tricked to a person's house for Chinese food and a movie and having that evolve into something deeper, not good or bad, but deeper.

Part of the conversation with my friends became about agency: are you ever “tricked” into such a circumstance? When do you know the situation is no longer about Chinese food and what can you do about it?

Another friend wrote this to me:

That chill arrest ep. of that guy. I just watched that and it disgusted me to my core. Probably because I could easily see myself being that woman. ugh.

The confusing/annoying?/infuriating?/disgusting? part about the video is that none of the commenters I'm reading about have anything to say about the disgusting nature of that. At my core this all rings with the twinge of rape culture/black womanhood to me (especially when I put myself in her place as a woman who identifies with her character).

If a guy I knew that was that size was supposed to pick me up and then decided to chill, idk that I would've been able to kick him out easily, and so I probably as a result wouldn't (because in my mind I would run through all of the scenarios of me possibly angering said person and ending up dead—I watch way too many crime shows). And if this was a guy that I was attracted to, I wouldn't wanna run the risk of him thinking I was a crazy black woman. so it might be easy for him to get a few drinks into me (so I wouldn't seem like a prude) and get me to loosen up to the point where I allow him to use me like that and then leave.

What would I feel like in the morning? Being drunk enough that I didn't notice him leave the night before (having gone shot for shot with him at one point, in addition to some wine). Idk, this series makes me reeeaaallll uncomfortable. Whaddyathink?
 
My thoughts: 

It is a hard negotiation for me. I had not necessarily considered the rape culture perspective that my friend presented when I watched the video although I did consider rape and how it pays a role in the relationship I narrated in “A friend for the end of the world”. After some thought, I definitely understand and support her perspective.

I will add that 1. the relativist in me loves stories which are not “contrived” and honestly details the murky and unsettling waters in which, I believe, most people negotiate their relationships. In this sense, I think of artists such as The Weeknd, Frank Ocean, and Drake whom I love and who employ the same relativist, nonjudgmental narrator perspective in their songs. Yet, these artists are notorious for detailing the vulnerable, compromising circumstances women find themselves in and they give voice to some of their(our) insecurities in ways which demystifies and humanizes us (them) (and the artists themselves) while simultaneously propagating rape culture, male superiority – definitely a “save a woman complex”, and a kind of misogyny which not predicated on traditional modes of masculinity, is misogyny nonetheless. Think of or listen to Novacane/ She by Frank Ocean, Outside by the Weeknd, or Shot for me/Practice/Hate Sleeping Alone by Drake.

2. Perhaps this is the overarching conclusion for me at this time: we are all implicated in rape culture, violence, misogyny (yes, women too), sexism, homophobia, etc. Art imitates life imitates art. Firstly, artists do not necessarily foresee the many ways in which their art may propagate an issue (I try to be cognizant of this but I often fall short). Secondly, and more importantly, perhaps, if the art allows you to think about the complexities of an issue (and if the intent of the artist is good as in, they are narrating/presenting that perspective because this what they know), then...it has accomplished its purpose...maybe, perhaps. Honestly, I do not know. I am about to rumble on so I will stop.

What do you think? What are your perspectives on rape culture, art, my friend's perspective, mine? This blog is intended to promote dialogue so please feel free to write what you think. Honestly.