Revenge of the Nerds
Remember how excited you felt when the nerds actually found love in Ashton Kutcher's show Beauty and the Geek, when they finally get the girl? Or anytime Michael Cera's character in a movie gets to see a girl's boobs. Maybe I am the only one. I am always cheering. I love it when nerds/ awkward people win. There is something really endearing about the nerd coming into his/her sense of self and and as a consequence of being him/herself and not through any malice, just sh*ts over on all the people who tried to play him/her/etc. Cue my love for Youth in Revolt and Social Network.
I feel like I just got the girl; I am finally at the place where I am embracing and celebrating my way of thinking about things - my nerdyness/"intellectualness"/inbetweenness.
Here is the story of how I got to the place of uncertainty and doubt in the first place. I wish it was funny or awkward but it is actually quite sad. Surprisingly, it began at my liberal arts uber progressive college.
Mini me was actually really happy about my thought process/ what I had to say and contribute in middle and high school. Most of my classmates and I went to class, learned a lot, and played a lot. We were not perfect students. But when we were engaged and passionate about something, it was clear. I remember one specific occasion when we had a debate on the political status of Puerto Rico. Every team came prepared. In all honestly, our perspectives did not matter in the grand scheme of things but we debated as if it did. It is one of my fondest memories from high school.
In contrast, my college years were marked by semesters of self-doubt. I remember being truly excited about the material we were discussing in one class and sensing that no one else shared a true honest engagement in the material. Unless my friends were in a course with me, I had to act like I did not care about the material - because everyone did not or acted like they did not care. It wasn't cool to care. I often self silenced. We participated in class to get a grade - not because we felt like the course mattered.
And then there were the people said problematic things. But that was not an issue, unless they were not open to true discourse. I said problematic things because I was trying to learn. Those who truly valorized bullsh*t were the ones who got on my nerves. And then the stares that perhaps you are taking the material too seriously, too personally, taking a different approach, or analyzing it too deeply. So I remained silent and angry most of the time.
But soon, this began to play out in my social life too. I became concerned about what I said with my friends and super concerned about whether people will like what I had to say on social media or what they will have to say. I used to joke with my friends that it sucks to write something you find important on facebook and receive no validation for it through a like - ie. no one cares.
Maybe it is all a part of the growing sentiment of anti-intellectualism in the U.S. I keep reading about. But is it interesting that a bunch of kids from the South Bronx truly celebrated learning where as a predominantly white liberal arts college valorized bullsh*t. They would like you to believe the contrary. I am glad I am home. I am glad I no longer feel compelled not to care about the things I care about or to even seek validation for it.
So finally here is some music to celebrate. I have been blasting the Cudi song below every day since I heard it two weeks ago. Cudi says, "I’m what you made God, f*ck yes I’m so odd". I love artists who champion the message of being you - however awkward, weird, obscure, irrational, silly, hood, nerdy, etc. Hey RiRi, Kanye, Meek, Solange, Santigold. Just be you, love you (and be open to change and growth).
In fact, I am thinking that when I start teaching (in my elective courses), maybe I will fail all those kids who don't care or act like they don't care about the material I am teaching. Even if you get all As on my exams. If you do not care about the material, do not take my class. Hehe.
*Let me say that a lot of my college classmates probably cared about class and what they were learning. Perhaps not in my major. I probably chose the wrong courses. It happens. I'm over it.
I feel like I just got the girl; I am finally at the place where I am embracing and celebrating my way of thinking about things - my nerdyness/"intellectualness"/inbetweenness.
Here is the story of how I got to the place of uncertainty and doubt in the first place. I wish it was funny or awkward but it is actually quite sad. Surprisingly, it began at my liberal arts uber progressive college.
Mini me was actually really happy about my thought process/ what I had to say and contribute in middle and high school. Most of my classmates and I went to class, learned a lot, and played a lot. We were not perfect students. But when we were engaged and passionate about something, it was clear. I remember one specific occasion when we had a debate on the political status of Puerto Rico. Every team came prepared. In all honestly, our perspectives did not matter in the grand scheme of things but we debated as if it did. It is one of my fondest memories from high school.
In contrast, my college years were marked by semesters of self-doubt. I remember being truly excited about the material we were discussing in one class and sensing that no one else shared a true honest engagement in the material. Unless my friends were in a course with me, I had to act like I did not care about the material - because everyone did not or acted like they did not care. It wasn't cool to care. I often self silenced. We participated in class to get a grade - not because we felt like the course mattered.
And then there were the people said problematic things. But that was not an issue, unless they were not open to true discourse. I said problematic things because I was trying to learn. Those who truly valorized bullsh*t were the ones who got on my nerves. And then the stares that perhaps you are taking the material too seriously, too personally, taking a different approach, or analyzing it too deeply. So I remained silent and angry most of the time.
But soon, this began to play out in my social life too. I became concerned about what I said with my friends and super concerned about whether people will like what I had to say on social media or what they will have to say. I used to joke with my friends that it sucks to write something you find important on facebook and receive no validation for it through a like - ie. no one cares.
Maybe it is all a part of the growing sentiment of anti-intellectualism in the U.S. I keep reading about. But is it interesting that a bunch of kids from the South Bronx truly celebrated learning where as a predominantly white liberal arts college valorized bullsh*t. They would like you to believe the contrary. I am glad I am home. I am glad I no longer feel compelled not to care about the things I care about or to even seek validation for it.
So finally here is some music to celebrate. I have been blasting the Cudi song below every day since I heard it two weeks ago. Cudi says, "I’m what you made God, f*ck yes I’m so odd". I love artists who champion the message of being you - however awkward, weird, obscure, irrational, silly, hood, nerdy, etc. Hey RiRi, Kanye, Meek, Solange, Santigold. Just be you, love you (and be open to change and growth).
In fact, I am thinking that when I start teaching (in my elective courses), maybe I will fail all those kids who don't care or act like they don't care about the material I am teaching. Even if you get all As on my exams. If you do not care about the material, do not take my class. Hehe.
*Let me say that a lot of my college classmates probably cared about class and what they were learning. Perhaps not in my major. I probably chose the wrong courses. It happens. I'm over it.
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